My Reflection

Some people tend to ask me how do I fit every thing into my schedule? How do I maintain my grades? How do I keep sane? I trust, have faith, and stay poitive. My life just keeps getting better and better. And this time I am not being sarcastic. I have learned to just except somethings. You only get one life to live, so why let negative things that people have to say get in the way of your happiness? Right now, I am trying new things in my life, and people are questioning my choices as well as hating on me just because they might be jelous of me and what I am cappable of doing. New people, new ideas, new life, it's all making the new and improved me. I don't need anyone to give me their input. I am no longer worried about what you have to say about me, the way I look, the way I dress, or anything that i ultimately my decision. Like I have said many times before, I am who I am and there is nothing that I can do to change it nor will I try. I have gone through and put myself through situations that no child nor teenager should ever go through. I ask all out there, DON'T make fun of others because of how they walk, talk, act, dress, etc. That is only the outter appearance. What matters is what is on the inside. The south has handi-capped me into viewing things on one level and has allowed me to sometimes be the biggest a$$ ever. I apologize to those that I have made fun of, talked about, gloated to, or ever hurt your feelings. I have learned by traveling places throughout the U.S. that there are so many different personalities out there and that you can do your own thing! And that is exactly what I am going to do. I changed part of my style, but now...it's time for the rest of the transformation! Since June 10th of 2009 I have been growing my new growth an not getting a relaxer for my hair. By Chritmas break, my hair shoul be long enough to start dreading to about shoulder length! YES that is right. I AM GETTING DREADS!!! I don't care what you have to say about my decisions to do so and nothing you say can or will make me change my mind. I've gone this far, might as well keep going!!! He said "Come as you are". So if you won't except me or what I am doing, I know who will!!!

After The Rain...The Sun Will Shine

As of now, at this point in my life, I have come to see that there are people placed in your life to help mend your broken heart. New and old friends that help you tackle and get over obstacles.
I'm done trying to be nice, I'm done feeling like things are my fault, I'm done being ran over, I'm done giving respect and in return get treated like sh!t, I'm done worrying what everyone else has to think or say about me, I'M DONE!!! I have much greater things to worry about and focus on. I don't have time for anyone's antics. It is time for me to work on myself for the better.
No more cloudy days and stormy nights. I can see clearly what needs to be done. I am determined to do what ever I have to do to receive my blessings!!! They are coming. I can feel it. Even though at times I feel down, there is an inner peace that lets me know that everything will be alright. School is right around the corner, not looking forward to the work, but I'm ready for my transformation. And it starts with school. I have to be mentally prepared for the looks and questions that I'll be asked, especially after Christmas break, but I'm ready for what ever comes my way!!! It's All Me Baby!!! Paris Lovee!!!

...Keep A Clear Mind And An Open Heart...

Many great things have happened in my life ever since I got back home from Destin, Florida. At the same time many things have happened that made me rethink about things that have happened in the past and how I have used those experiences wheather they were good or bad to help me to make better decisions for myself. There are people who you will come across in your lifetime that seem too real, too good to be true. You try to pick out the things that are wrong but you just can't seem to find any. Sometimes you don't realize how the negative things that people have said to you or done to you can mentally handicap you and cause you to miss out and ruin things with new and better oppourtunities and people who may come into your life. I have recently turned a new leaf and decided that I would be open to any and everything that God has in store for me. I can not say enough how blessed I am to have met all the people I have met and to have seen and experienced all the things I have today. They have made me the person I am today, inside and out. I love and honor my mother and father for everything they have done for me even though at times I don't always express it. My father has always told me to never wait till it's too late to show someone how much you truely care about them. He shared with me a story of him and his father to me one afternoon. My father told me how it was the week of his birthday and he went to Chicago, his home town, to visit his family. He was in the military and was stationed in Virginia. His father took him out to eat and before my father headed back to Virginia, his father gave him a watch. My father has never been a big watch wearer. But just two weeks later, he recieved a phone call that his father had passed away due to his drinking problem. Sometimes people never truely apprecieate the good things in life until they are gone...and at that moment...all of their should've, could've, would'ves pop up and it's all a breath too late. God gave to me and you the kiss of life and that is something I will thank him for as long as I live, even when I grow tired and feel like I can no longer carry on. I know that I can always depend on him to be there for me. When I feel alone and feel as though no one can understand me, I know he always will. I love my family and friends who have helped me along the way. May you be blessed.

To Calais, my beautiful sister, my mentor, my second mother. I love you so much for all the things you have taught me. You were harder on me than mom at times, and for that, I love you. Even when I messed up at times, you looked passed that and didn't judge, and for that, I love you. You always had my back and was all ears whenever I needed someone to talk to, and for that, I love you. I really don't know what I would've done during those hard times when you were in college and I was being effected by other's 808's and heartbreaks, and for that, I love you. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you in my life...and for all these things, that is why I love you :] I'll never get tired of saying it. I love you!!!

...My Sweet Keeps Callin' Me Back

This past week has been the most interesting week of my life. I have come to realize that I have just about everything that I have ever wanted. But, it's so overwhelming; I can't enjoy it.
I have spent 15 years of my life praying for the things that I now have. Afraid to love those around me, I gradually push them away. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to hurt anymore people; but I can't handle getting ran over by those that I love either.
TIme to time I put up this barrier around myelf when I feel I allowing myself to be vulnerable. I'm not always the hard, tuff girl everyone seems to protray me as. Behind my mask is one of the most kind hearted and passionate people some may ever meet. Some may disagree, but that is there choice to do so. I want change.
To those who hurt me, stabbed me in my back, and were ultimately the fakest person I could ever meet..I forgive you. I dust my hands and shake my feet of you. I have to let the past be the past and allow God to help me on my path to a new life.

The Serenity Prayer

"Dear God, grant me the serenity to except the things that I can not change, the courage to change the things that I can, the wisdom to know the difference. Give me the courage to love with an open heart. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful worldas it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things rightif I surrender to His Will;That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with HimForever in the next. Amen."

"When I love...I love hard." ---DeliriousChild

Who Is DeliriousChild Anyway?

There is this person who I have let ruin parts of my life because she couldn't control her anger nor hold her tongue. Day to day I let her take control over me. I lashed out at every. Suppressed anger from her and my childhood made my memory bank of hate overflow. Her purpose? To be the commander and chief of MY mother ship. She had me right where she wanted me, depressed and mentally unstable. I wasn't even able to carry on a "regular" life. Every year, month, week, day, hour, minute, second of my life's moments of happiness...all gone. I tried to find a solution to this madness but there seemed to be no logical cure. So I lied. I lied to myself, my mother, my father, my sister, every time I looked them in the eyes. I had branded myself with shame. I nor anyone else could seem to find the answers to any of my questions. Afraid that I would soon permanently be this "b!tc#" growing inside my soul like a cancerous tumor, I gave her exactly what she wanted. I gave her a positive outlet to get rid of that negative energy, and ultimately gave her a name. I called this alter-ego of mine, DC, short for DeliriousChild or Delirio. She spoke strong words that she demanded to be treated with respect. Her vibe has contribute to the makings of creative music, lyrics, and drawings resembling collages. She rarely makes appearances in my life, but guess her job is just about over. She has put me in situations I never thought I would be in but I thank her for teaching and showing me how my could be if I am not careful. DeliriousChild will forever be a part of me. She is always on time when I need to put someone in their place as she did with me.

DeliriousChild----> The Creative Beautiful Beast

It's All Me

Being able to sit and reflect and meditate on the subject of
life can sometimes be quite scary for me. Yes, I know pretty much what I want to accomplish in life but I don't quite know how to get there. At times I find myself in the state of euphoria and I start to daydream about my life. Oh, everything is so perfect then...I'm happy, I live in a bright light city, I have everything I've always wanted. But, then I wake up to sounds of the stray dogs barking, and the stresses of MY everyday life. Some days, I never want to wake.

Afraid to fail, I never try too hard to achieve. When I go to school, I put my non-existing balls on the chopping block. Yes, I will admit that I am a bit of a half-stepper, so you know I'm not
from Chicago. At times when I do find that boost of confidence that I needed, I do great things and accomplish goals that I never would've imagined.

At times, I love to listen way more than I talk. Observing people, how they talk, walk, and act in certain situations can tell you a lot about a person. I try not to judge others by their appearance, but when you walk, talk, and look like something off the streets
selling itself for a price, I don't want to have anything to do with you.

Starting tomorrow, I am going to change my style. By the
time I go back to school after Christmas break, people will question my choices. But it's cool if they do. I'm more than sure that I'll get laughs, get joked about, but it's OK. You know why? Because it's all me :] It's all me.

That was my exact problem when I was younger, I tried to run
and hide from the things that gave me a hard time. Until one day, I was forced into situation that I could do nothing but tolerate it. And here I am, a brand new young woman with a lot of potential, and full of heart. Now, when people make fun of my clothes, my hair, the way I talk, the way I walk, I say to myself...they just don't know what beauty is. What people fail to see sometimes is, it's all me, it's all them, there is nothing you can do to change who you are. You are what you are and I am who I am.

I thank you for taking the time to read this and I pray that my words in one way or another effected you in a good manner.

IT"S ALL ME BABY!

The Intro

This blog, of course, is all about me. I am inviting you into my mind, my world, my everyday life. Tiring days and restless nights are what my life's components are made of...and that itself has made me a much stronger person than I once was. I don't always communicate in the best fashion but writting...I can do...sit back and hold tight...cause things won't be easy...